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I mean TRULY listen.
Or are you waiting for your turn to speak?
We have conversations every day, but I don’t see many engaged conversations. I see many participating, as if they are following a script’s cues: talk, talk, talk, and wait to talk again.
Great communicators listen actively, not waiting for their opportunity to speak, scrolling through things on their smartphone, or talking past others in the conversation.
In political conversations, it seems that we only wait for our opportunity to talk past one another. Unfortunately, that means that no participant actually understands the others’ concerns or point of view on the issue being discussed. We simply wait to throw out our next fact, figure, emotional pitch, or sound-byte, rather than listening to what others say.
When we truly listen, we get the benefit of hearing a different perspective. We hear their concerns, and we find out how they work through solving an issue of concern to them.
What can you do to make yourself a better listener (and a better communicator)? Try out these five tips from Inc. on The Huffington Post:
Be present. Being “in the moment” is not just for yoga or Grateful Dead concerts. If you are going to take in what someone is saying, you have to truly focus your mental awareness on the person. Push distractions aside. Give a person the gift of your attention. Put down the smartphone, turn off your computer screen, put down the book or magazine, and look at him or her with a neutral or pleasant expression. Most people are so accustomed to having half of someone else’s focus at any given moment that this gesture alone will make them feel important and it will allow you to actually hear what they are saying.
Turn down the inner voice. Internal analysis of any conversation is unavoidable and necessary, but often it’s at the expense of objectivity. That voice can actually take over in your brain to the point at which you are no longer listening to the person talking and instead simply listening to the diatribe in your head. There is plenty of time after a conversation to assess the value of what you heard, but first you have to hear it. One technique for quieting the inner voice is simple note taking. Writing down even key words or short phrases will force you to absorb the information coming in. Then you can process it on your own outside the presence of the speaker. As an added benefit, you’ll have a more accurate representation of what was actually said for later discussion.
Hold up a mirror. This is a technique many psychologists and counselors recommend to help alleviate conflict. When the opportunity arises, speak up and describe for the person what you have just heard him or her say. It is OK to rephrase in your own words. Be sure to end with a request for confirmation: “So what you’re most concerned about is that the new hires lack training. Is that accurate?” The speaker then knows you are paying attention and fully engaged.
Ask for clarification. During a conversation, hunt for areas of interest where you might further inquire. Without derailing his or her train of thought, ask the speaker to expand and clarify: “What do you mean by ‘interesting?'” or “Why do you think that is so important?” The speaker will appreciate the interaction, and you will gain better understanding of the person’s perspective as well as your own perception of the information.
Establish follow-up. At the end of any conversation, discuss and determine if there are action steps required. This check-in will alert speakers to your actual concern for what they said, and help them assess their own relevancy to your needs.Express appreciation for their sharing, and let them know what you found to be valuable from the conversation. Making them feel heard increases the odds they’ll truly listen to you when you have something to say you believe is important.
This article was featured in our weekly newsletter, the Liberator Online. To receive it in your inbox, sign up here.
You’ve seen it featured in crime, courtroom, and police dramas on television.
A powerful and dangerous individual or group has gotten away with force and fraud for years. Finally, the police and prosecutors find a witness whose testimony can put the thugs behind bars.
But the criminals will threaten or kill the witness or his family if he takes the stand.
The only way the authorities can get the witness to testify is to protect him and his family.
So the prosecutors and law enforcement offer secret relocation, new identities, and a new life to the person and his family — in exchange for his truthful testimony in court.
Witness Protection.
In our legal system, in certain cases, this makes sense.
But it makes no sense for libertarians to act as if they were in the political equivalent of this program.
Some libertarians blend in with mainstream or nonpolitical neighbors and coworkers.
They rarely join in on political or economic conversations at home or at work. And, if they do, they keep their comments mild and bland.
If they get libertarian email newsletters or social media, they keep it to themselves
`Why stir up trouble?’ they think. `Why start an argument?’
The don’t put Libertarian campaign signs on their front lawns. They don’t put Libertarian bumper stickers on their cars. And they keep their libertarian books and DVD’s in the private areas of their homes.
If they donate to Libertarian campaigns or vote for Libertarian candidates, they tell no one.
Secrecy. Silence. Invisibility.
Witness Protection Libertarians.
But this does NOT make them safer. It makes Big Government safer.
It delays the growth of the Libertarian movement. It hinders support for the cause of liberty.
It keeps your family, friends, neighbors and co-workers from having warm and thoughtful conversations about liberty with someone they know and like and trust: YOU!
Opt out of Witness Protection Libertarian policies.
Opt into persuasive libertarian communication with The Advocates for Self-Government.
Michael Cloud is a master of libertarian communication. He is author of Secrets of Libertarian Persuasion and Unlocking More Secrets of Libertarian Persuasion. The latter can be purchased by subscribers of the Liberator Online for merely $5.01 and FREE SHIPPING with the code “LIBERATOR14” at the link.
(From the Persuasion Powerpoint section in Volume 19, No. 18 of the Liberator Online. Subscribe here!)
Have you ever been in a political argument where the other person acted like you hadn’t made a single valid point?
Ever debated morality or economics with someone who ignored everything you said?
Frustrating, isn’t it?
Beware. This is the moment in many political conversations where you or I turn to put-downs: insults, rude remarks, or sarcasm. These remarks will stick and sting. They will hurt.
Instead of a forgettable political discussion, you will leave them with an unforgettable put-down. Perhaps one that’s unforgivable.
People remember rudeness. They remember those who inflict it on them. And they tell their friends all about it.
Is this the way you want libertarianism and you to be talked about?
So, instead of lashing out — smile, thank them for an interesting discussion, say goodbye, and walk away.
Talk politics with someone else. A person who is receptive and responsive to libertarian economics or politics.
That’s the way to win people to liberty.
* * * * * * * *
Michael Cloud’s latest book Unlocking More Secrets of Libertarian Persuasion is available exclusively from the Advocates, along with his acclaimed earlier book Secrets of Libertarian Persuasion.In 2000, Michael was honored with the Thomas Paine Award as the Most Persuasive Libertarian Communicator in America.
Great communicators listen actively, not waiting for their opportunity to speak, scrolling through things on their smartphone, or talking past others in the conversation.
In political conversations, it seems that we only wait for our opportunity to talk past one another. Unfortunately, that means that no participant actually understands the others’ concerns or point of view on the issue being discussed. We simply wait to throw out our next fact, figure, emotional pitch, or sound-byte, rather than listening to what others say.
When we truly listen, we get the benefit of hearing a different perspective. We hear their concerns, and we find out how they work through solving an issue of concern to them.
What can you do to make yourself a better listener (and a better communicator)? Try out these five tips from Inc. on The Huffington Post:
valid point?
Ever debated morality or economics with someone who ignored everything you said?
Frustrating, isn’t it?
Beware. This is the moment in many political conversations where you or I turn to put-downs: insults, rude remarks, or sarcasm. These remarks will stick and sting. They will hurt.
Instead of a forgettable political discussion, you will leave them with an unforgettable put-down. Perhaps one that’s unforgivable.
People remember rudeness. They remember those who inflict it on them. And they tell their friends all about it.
Is this the way you want libertarianism and you to be talked about?
So, instead of lashing out — smile, thank them for an interesting discussion, say goodbye, and walk away.
Talk politics with someone else. A person who is receptive and responsive to libertarian economics or politics.
That’s the way to win people to liberty.
